Dealing with an
Unsupportive Coach and Community
It all started the
day after my Outsports article was published in March 2014. My team already
knew about the article and they were extremely happy for me. I had been out to
my team for almost a year by the time my article was published. My team loves
me; they love all of my gay teammates. There are others besides me. Volleyball
is known to have a lot of homosexual players. It’s just one of the world’s
wonders. I believe it’s because gay guys are more comfortable about being open
and honest with their teams. If you don’t know any volleyball players, you must
understand that we are an eclectic type of people and athlete. Very
competitive, but also very unique and open.
At this point, I knew
that my former coach knew about me and another teammate. He even went so far as
to ask my roommate, who is also my best friend, if there would be any issues
between me and the other teammate if we were to room together on away trips in
hotels. I think he believed that all gay guys sleep with other gay guys.
Typical stereotype, I know. However, my former coach and I have never actually
set down and talked about my personal life or my relationships, it was almost
taboo. My teammates were open about their relationships and I was open about
mine. You can think of the type of questions I was asked, as they are all the
type of questions that all homosexual athletes and people get.
The day after my
article came out, I got a text from my coach telling me and my teammate Juan,
who was also featured in the same article, to meet with him before practice
with the three captains on the team. Juan and I arrived about 45 minutes early before
practice and go into a side classroom in our gym and see our coach with his
head in his hands and the three captains sitting in silence. The first thing he
says is, “how could you not tell me? How could you let me get blindsided by
this?” Juan and I look at each other and are confused about what is going on.
He then goes on a rant about how the night before he gets a call from our
athletic director about our article. Apparently, someone in the Erskine College
community called the administration and decided to condemn them for allowing
openly homosexual athletes play sports at a reformed Presbyterian school. Then
our ex-coach proceeds to tell us that we have not only ruined his season, but
probably future recruiting because Juan and I are gay.
I instantly burst
into tears, not because I was sad, but because I was fueled with a rage that I
have never felt before. How can someone be so ignorant and naïve? What does my
sexuality have to do with “his” season? What does it have to do with recruits
that come along after I’m gone? Instantly, before I could start screaming, one
of my straight captains who I wasn’t very close with pipes up and ask coach
what his deal is? He asks, “What does Juan and Drew’s preference have to do
with anything about volleyball, or the potential championship run we are on?”
My article painted
the college and my team in a positive light. I had said in my article that I
wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. My team is like brothers to me and they
accepted me and still do today. They just want me to be happy. I said nothing
during this meeting, but later that day I was so hurt and so depressed that
someone could think such things about me, that I slept from after practice,
through all of my classes the next day and even debated quitting volleyball
altogether. Yet, I didn’t. My team won the regular season and conference
tournament championships and later played in the NCAA Division 1 tournament
against Stanford University where we lost in the first round. However, I will
never forget playing in front of that crowd, how it felt to reach to top
tournament in college volleyball. It was a dream come true. We had only had a
volleyball program for two years, and yet we are on the top stage of volleyball
and even ranked within the country.
But, my sophomore
season was a negative one, dealing with an unsupportive coach and even his
father, who decided to email Cyd Zeigler, one of the editors from Outsports, and proceed to tell him that he and I were
promoting the “gay agenda”, and we were ignorant as to how my straight
teammates felt about the publicity we would get. The Presbyterian community
around my rural, southern college also funds it. They decided to talk
negatively about me as well on a website specifically for Presbyterian churches
and schools. They said I only did this article to get famous and that I was
sneaky in the way that I did it. I went behind everyone’s back to gain fame and
promote homosexuality within Erskine College. This year I was even approached
by a Trustee member and asked what I thought about the student who promoted
homosexuality the year before. This trustee member obviously didn’t know that I
was the one with the article. I played it cool, I just said that everyone is
entitled to their own beliefs, sexuality, and morals. What they decide to do
with them is none of my business, and if our school is a Christian school,
shouldn’t we be promoting love and non-judgment for everyone? Isn’t that what
being a Christian is all about? Since I, myself claim to be a Christian, that
is what I was taught growing up. Everyone love thy neighbor.
Although my coming
out experience has not been easy, I do not regret it one bit. I wouldn’t sell
my team or my college for any amount of money in the world. This year, my junior
season, we have a new coach who supports every person on the team, and doesn’t
worry about who his players are in relationships with. This man inspires me
every day and he is what I want to become when I get older. We are contending
for another championship this year, and are set to make it back to the NCAA
tournament in Palo Alto, California in May 2015.
I, myself, want to be
a college volleyball coach when I graduate and I am done playing the sport that
I love. I know what it is like to have an unsupportive coach and I have learned
that is not the type of coach, or person I want to be. A coach is not only a
coach, but a mentor and role model. They shape athletes, but also have a hand
in how those athletes develop into working members of our society. Being a
coach, and being supportive of your players in all that they do allows for a
great mutual respect between player and coach, but also fuels motivation for
the player and the coach to get better. From a player’s perspective, patience
is a virtue. Keeping myself from saying the wrong thing kept me from quitting
the sport I love and making multiple enemies along the way. My word of advice
is to be comfortable in who you are, God made you that way and the trials and
tribulations you go through today, make you into a better, more open person
tomorrow.
Drew Davis
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